Hello there gorgeous ladies. Are you reading this at the speed of light? Only have a moment to spare? If so, put down your gin and read the one line version of this post:
Create your own flavour of success.
To the guys: sorry, it's not your turn. No attention for
you today. (for once) ... (ps. i love you) Anyhow, you're probably super busy tallying sports scores and pretending you know how to do your hair, being adorable and hiding from me. (ps you scare me)
FOCUS DAMNIT!!!!
Ok, enough.
Lately, in the women around me, i've noticed the drive for success outweighs the urge to 'settle down'. For me, this urge is about as strong as the one to stick my hand in the garb-orator. Oh gosh, how nice would that feel? Yes please, can i have both hands down there? But wait, then I'll need a 3rd hand to flip the switch on! What ever shall I do?
Don't get me wrong, those ladies who've settled down are likely 1000x busier than myself. Yes, we're talking especially about the new moms. You heard me. I'm saying it: BABIES *****shuddering*****
To those women, I commend you, because wow, i'm barely responsible enough to take care of myself! I pause to reflect, and regret i have little in common with you. I call out to you and say, "Please take notes and in the future teach me how to raise a kid!" Because God knows how much children irritate me. If there's anything I can offer in exchange, please let me know.
So here I am, surrounded by driven, passionate and intelligent career women. You know who you are. And please, for the love, don't fucking compare us to those NYC sexinthecity harlots. They should have some integrity and self respect for once! I can't describe how much I hate that show... Think of us more like that group of extremely industrious women who keep Frankie Magazine afloat.
The following is a compilation of 20-something career female attributes which make me laugh on a daily basis: (comment if you can think of others!)
- you sip booze to swallow your vitamins
- you get home from work at 9 or 10pm
- you cook dinner and eat that exact same meal 5x in a row
- you get angry about the carbs in those tortilla wraps
- you supplement your over-work with a nasty shopping/drinking/smoking habit
- your shopping/drinking/smoking habit eats up your paycheque
- you work harder to get a bigger paycheque
- (are we seeing a pattern yet?)
- you're proud that you managed to do your laundry this month
In the end we're well-dressed, well-paid, successful career women.
Hang on a sec, how awesome is that!!!???
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I dare you.