Mockery, Music, Merriment - Bob's Not My Uncle

The Latest from DJ Jamall Knight

2010-07-03T18:36:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for something worthy to post about, and what's more worthy than the new Jamall Knight Sweatbox mix? Nothing. The party is over, so in the meantime, get sexy to this mix and count down the days till we dance again.

Click here to download the Jamall Knight awesomeness.

Tracklist:

Mount Kimbie - At Least (instra:mental remix)
Adam Beyer - Follow Your Eyes
Oliver $ - Midnight Blend
Wasted Chicago Youth - Magic Noise Goblins
Lazersonic & Zach Frost - Levels (Shadow Dancer bonus round remix)

Thomas Gold - The Button
Djedjotronic - Feta
Mommas Boy vs. Mikix the Cat - At Night (sovnagaer 90's remix)
Florian Kruse Nuernberg - Lovers n Fighters
Kevin Yost - Know Your Jazz
David jones - Dubby (les bijoux remix)
Martin Buttrich - You Must be This High
Uto Karem - Black Jack
Abe Duque & Blake Baxter - Let's Take it Back (joey beltram remix)
69 - My Machines
Eddie Fowlkes - Deep Funk
Plastikman - Spastik (dubfire remix)
Jeff Mills - The Circus

Derrick May - Sinister
Jeru the Damaja - Return of the Crooklyn Dodger

(original post at voulesrandom.com)

What the Font Are You Looking At?

2010-02-10T19:44:00.001-08:00

Does a re-post blog smell as sweet? The answer, you shall never know.

In celebration of notmyuncle.com's shiny new letters, I hereby link you to an excellent film on typeface; Helvetica. Just click the video, 2007 link.

(via @mindrally)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Your New Inspiration: Seth Godin's "What Matters Now" Free eBook

2009-12-15T19:11:00.000-08:00

Dear everyone,

It's not often I assign homework, (dunnn dunn dahhhh!) but if you've never read any Seth Godin, now's the time to start. If you're feeling a touch of S.A.D. or the pressure of 2010 - never fear, Seth to the rescue! He's one of the most inspirational and thought-provoking business writers, yet his words motivate people from every walk of life.

So go ahead, download his latest free eBook, "What Matters Now" here. It's a collaboration of many authors so you won't get bored, I promise.

Or if you're short on time, visit his blog, or download his iPhone app. Just search 'Seth Godin' in the app store (thx CW).

Seth is so darn good, I've even blogged his greatness before (David Bowie and The Dip).Thank you for listening, I hope you had a great Tuesday evening.

All my love,
Leanne

Verbose Memes as they Pertain to Pirating Music

2009-12-05T20:06:00.000-08:00

I have a number of excuses for not keeping up to date on my music downloading/curating/pirating, but the number one excuse is this:

The rabbit hole that is http://knowyourmeme.com

It'll suck you in for a good day or two...

Other popular excuses:

My lovely DJ bf pretty much runs the music show.

Electro Premium Choice got shut down(RIP) and I'll never shut up about it. Also, I'm too busy to find a new one.

I spend 1/2 my life on twitter.

I run a small business.

Do I need more?

Since one amazing person Googled "Bob is not my uncle music", I've gotten off my ass and made y'all a playlist. Albeit rather full of old songs, thanks Guy for being so motivating! This throwback love anthem mixtape's for you! **disgusting wink**

Click here for the zip download

1. Não Vem Que Não Tem - Wilson Simonal
2. At the Chime of a City Clock - Nick Drake
3. ?????
4. This Sweet Love (Prins Thomas Sneaky Edit)

- James Yuill
5. I am a Wicked Child - Radiohead
6. Since I've Been Loving You - Led Zepplen
7. Seville - Pinback
8. Arcadia (Boys Noize Remix) - Apparat

9. Lasttrak - Plastikman
10. Goon Gumpas - Aphex Twin
11. Da Da Da Da - Broken Social Scene
12. A Warm Place - Nine Inch Nails

Disclaimer: If you're not into old jams, head over to VoulesRandom. They're so ahead of shit it's breathtaking....

Survive the Recession in Style - a how-to guide for Winnipeg hipsters

2009-11-27T11:35:00.000-08:00

Hi there. Did you miss me?

So you're a 20 or 30 something North American reeling from a bad couple of economic years. You live in the coldest fucking city on earth. You're young, educated and gosh darn it, why aren't you rich yet? Calm down Sally, we're in this together. Take solace in the fact your assets haven't lost any worth because you don't have any. Amidst the recession, there is a way to live the fantastic life and not be a bummy skeeze who gets their boyfriend to buy them everything.

How to Survive the recession in style:
(If that could actually be possible in Winnipeg Manitoba)

Food.

For some, this is not an issue - being broke equals being skinny. But for those of us who get grumpy when the traditional bowl of snacks is empty, never fear! There's a fine balance between eating cardboard and being healthy on a budget so here are a few uber delicious, healthy, cheap and exotic picks:

Crepes - $15 will get you about 24 servings. The latest hipster food to hit our streets have been flippin' in Jamall Knight's kitchen since '85. Follow this recipe, then add cheese, nutella, banana, peanut butter, jam, you name it!

Edamame beans - $2-3ish. Frozen from Safeway or Costco. Insane amounts of protein. Close your eyes and pretend you're at Wasabi.

Popcorn, just the kernels - $1-2. Pop on the stove with some oil and boom! You're snacking for miles and miles. Download a movie for an extra cheapo date.

Chicken Curry $10-$15 for three to four people. I found a pretty decent recipe on the dinner spinner app.

Water - it's free, it's always luxuriously smooth and quenching. Your skin has never looked so good.

Dress.

The ultimate human flag and finest art of self expression. We're all somewhat broke, so the good news is your sartorial competition isn't quite, "Who's got the latest Burberry trench". Perfect. One of the best lux' for less tricks is simply knowing your shit and faking it. Read high fashion mags, scan blogs and lookbook.nu. Figure out what the rich kids are wearing and hit up Value Village, Goodwill, Joe and your grandma's closet. Another tip: Save up those pennies and splurge on quality for items you can wear often - jackets, shoes, sunglasses, purses and scarves.

Job.

Unless you're one of those dotcom millionaires who managed to set up passive income and retire at 30, (ahem, Dennis) employment is necessary for life. To the jobless, laid-off, fired without cause or hopeless job-hunters out there - why not take a leap and start your own company? What is your passion? Your dream? Why not try your hand at entrepreneurship? According to Stats Canada, self-employment is on the rise in response to the massive amounts of job losses. I guess there's still the same amount of work to be done hey? Get inspired by Seth Godin, follow small business blogs like IttyBiz, get some money from Uncle Sam and get crackin!

Dwelling.

Running a modestly furnished and tastefully located abode can be a challenge when times are tight. Some of you may opt to move out of your overpriced apartment and take advantage of today's excellent interest rates. Holy shit they're low. Or perhaps if it gets really bad, you can get another roommate or just move home, right? Um....

Drink.

Many wine drinking aficionados will attest that the most trained taste buds can't tell the difference between a $25 and $200 bottle of wine. Is it just a status symbol? Often yes, but a delicious one we could never call frivolous. But lets face it, our parents are drinking boxed wine for a reason. They somehow managed to raise a family on the same salary I burn through in magazines and penny candy, so perhaps they're doing something right? Tip - if you have a basement, start making wine. You'll find yourself with more drunk friends than you could shake a stick at.

Other money saving advice:

Quit smoking - save $20-$500 per month. Also, it's an obvious health bonus.

Don't get a pet - cats? I mean c'mon. Another mouth to feed and another annoying personality to contend with? srrrsly.
Disconnect your TV - it's full of garbage and fully accessible online, for free. Or - read a book you drones.
Ride your bike - That is, if it hasn't been stolen. Bike everywhere possible for killer legs and more chedda for your bar tab.

Got any luxury on a dime tips? Tell us in the comments if you've got a moment.
:)

WoW, Google Reader & Other Reasons to Stay up til Stupid o' Clock

2009-09-25T00:08:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this RIGHT NOW (the minute I post this) you probably suffer from a black hole addiction I like to call 'NightSlavery'. Sufferers of this all-consuming computer malady will find themselves saying, "Holy shit, I have to be at work in 4 hours," or "I'm supposed to be finishing up this freelance SEO contract, but am in the middle of a WoW raid*," or simply, "Goodform is on at the LoPub and I'd rather stay home and blog about not going to Goodform."

I'm a fucking loser. What's your excuse?

Computers are the cocaine for nerds, the solace for the unemployed, the family for the abandoned, the home of all who hate reality. Reality is a place where Winnipeg babies are not safe from murder and my rent just keeps on skyrocketing.

So tonight, why not confide in a new twitter friend, eat popcorn while pondering iPhone diet tricks, drink a glass of wine with google reader and then fall asleep to a full pirated season of Weeds. Dream about baking brownies, wake up and do the whole thing over again. Eventually you'll forget how to verbally communicate, but hey, you might accidentally learn a new skill, launch a business, market your portfolio, network a bit... or just read thousands of webcomics until your eyes bleed. Either way, it's better than spending money on useless shit and talking to people who annoy you. Like bankers. I can't stand them, what with they're logic and planning and commitment to RRSPs*...

*NightSlavery symptoms:

Considering playing WoW for the first time
Rambling sentences that hate on tiny sectors of society for no explainable reason
...What are your symptoms of NightSlavery?

Blackberry vs. iPhone - 11 reasons why iPhone will always win.

2009-09-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

It's go time people. Gloves off. Let's do this. I'm obviously biased so knock me down readers! Here's my rant on why iPhone SHITS on blackberry. I just dare you to prove me wrong:

A high level comment - iPhone has changed my life. I am organized, my small business is doing well, I lost 13 lbs, I never forget ANYTHING (ex. birthdays, meetings, todos, etc) I can fit in little meetings and visits I usually think I don't have time for, I have brilliant music at my fingertips = instant mobile dance party. Oh and having that little dance party won over the love of my life. <3>
iPhone's interface = godly. Blackberry's - designed by a tech geek who loves shitty fonts and hard to follow chains of conversation. Backwards might I add. They probably only looked at the code to approve the OS.
iPhone has replaced many many items/gadgets that I considered purchasing: a voice recorder for interviews, a remote for my laptop's itunes, a mightymouse, a $40 moleskin dayplanner, a new ipod, an mp3 alarm clock, pretty much anything you can buy in the app store.
Blackberry's app store made me LOL today. I'm not seeing anything I'd actually buy, or consider usefull. Perhaps this is because I've never used them? Perhaps it's because I've never been dissatisfied with iPhone apps
Oooo my fingers can't type on the screen! I need buttons! wahh! Suck it up - touch screens are everywhere. They're fast, and you can't beat the predict-a-text. A few days ago it put the two dots above the 'o' on the word 'doppleganger'. Oh, and scrolling a webpage with a little ball that falls out at inconvenient times? Dinosaur.
U2 loves blackberry - nuff said.
Ooooo but my BB messenger! Oooo I could never live without it! Well, I have a 6Gig dataplan for $10 a month. Get on ebuddy or fb or msn or gmail chat or just leave me alone.
Blackberry doesn't have software for mac computers. They say 'coming in September' but everyone knows a first release is not usually their best release. When BBmac rolls out Version 9 in 25 years, maybe I'll consider a Blackberry for my spare emergency phone. Or for my butler.
3GS is faaaaaaaast!
If your iPhone battery is flat and you're out and about, the likelyhood of finding a cable and computer are VERY high. BB cords are out there sometimes, which is probably why their owners flock together.
Ok, so I know someone is going to make the comment about the iPhone camera's lack of flash. I attribute this to marketing tactics - apple needs bait to get me to buy the next iphone yes? And I will.

Please join the conversation! Let me know your beef or glory with your beloved data phone.

In Memory - Electro Premium Choice Blog

2009-09-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

Today I nearly cried. I was up to my usual Sunday afternoon music pirating, typed in my favourite URL and this is what I saw:

Shock and horror swept over me. It's still sweeping now and I don't have a fucking dustpan. I was a slave to the blog http://electro-premium.blogspot.com for over a year, and now it's all over. My late nights of waiting for the 'free user, only 99seconds left' messages are gone. I could easily follow some of the other ones out there - I'm sure they have better design and more frequent posts, but seriously, the blogosphere is a watered down shithole when it comes to music. So much garbage out there I can barely keep up my sarcastic disco dance moves. And the gay hook lyrics that would make for great background on a TV show for babies? c'mon.

Electro Premium Choice was EPIC to say the least and I can EASILY credit all of my coolness to it's mysterious french webmaster. I hope and pray that somehow it will surface again to post more full albums and EPs. I really should have given them some money...

So Goodbye my dearest friend. I will miss you more than anything. Here's a tribute to some of my favourite artists - discovered or re-discovered through my dearly departed blog.

(Artists, I'm linking to you in hopes that my 11 followers will generate some hits and my stealing karma will be slightly repaid.)

Alan Braxe & Fred Falke
Alex Gopher
AmpLive
AutoErotique - playing in Winnipeg, Friday Sept 18 with Jamall Knight

Birdy Nam Nam
The Bloody Beetroots
Bugged Out Remix albums
Boys Noize
Brasstronaut
Classixx
Crookers - I Love Techno
Digitalism
Diplo

Edges - A New French Electronic Generation
Ed Banger
Fabriclive

Feadz
Gui Boratto
Jack De Marseille

Jean Nipon
Jean Moustache
Justice
Krazy Baldhead
Kitsune (alllll of them)
Modeselektor
Mr. Flash
Mr. Oizo

Orgasmic
Shadow Dancer
Simian Mobile Disco
SebastiAn
Sebastian Tellier
Soulwax
Squarepusher
Surkin

Siriusmo

.... :(

Selling Crack as it Pertains to Advertising

2009-08-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

Money makes the world go round, this we know is pretty fucking obvious. Also, in times like this, you'd better agree pimpin' certainly aint easy. I often ponder how other business people like myself make it to the top...

Take for example, the Facebook dudes. Apparently one of the creators based his entire business principle on a rap song: the late, great Biggie's 'The 10 Crack Commandments'. I was inspired by this, especially since I'm feeling particularly notorious these days. I did an intense google, but could not find anything to back up the anecdote but hey, you believe me right? The internet doesn't lie.

So while those FB guys are probably sitting on a couch made of naked ladies, eating dodo egg scramble, smoking gold laced antarctic hash, I'm sitting here listening to Life After Death wearing this tee-shirt.

Even though it's a song about drugs, you'd be surprised the cryptic advice Biggie provides. If you boil it down, I think he was just a poet with really screwed up metaphors. So behold! My attempt to interpret the song and relate it to the world of advertising. Please forgive my white-girl ignorance.

1. Never let no one know how much dough you hold cause you know the cheddar breed jealousy especially if that man fucked up, get your ass stuck up.

Don't let your clients, boss, employees or friends know your $$ situation. Clients will try to rip you off, bosses will assume you can survive without that raise, your employees can get greedy, your friends might get jealous... the list goes on. The richest guy I ever met drove a Corolla.

2. Never let 'em know your next move, don't you know bad boys move in silence or violence take it from your highness, I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for they bricks and chips.

There are always people out there trying to 'borrow' your ideas. Have you found a niche market? Go it alone before your competition sets up shop across the street. Otherwise you may need to do a 'lil drive by...

3. Never trust nobody. Your moms'll set that ass up, properly gassed up hoodie to mask up, shit, for that fast buck she be layin in the bushes to light that ass up.

I don't think your mom will ever step up on your shit in advertising, but almost everyone else is suspect. I mean, this is an industry of borrowing - ideas, techniques, strategy, pitch styles, dog & pony shows... Only share what you're ready to see in someone else's meeting.

4. Never get high on your own supply.

Outsource your important internal projects. You'll read the label wrong from inside the bottle.

5. Never sell no crack where you rest at. I don't care if they want an ounce, tell em bounce.

Not sure, but could this mean keep business and pleasure separate? Can't say I've ever dated anyone I work with, but from the stories I hear from my friends at Saatchi, it's a double edged sword.

6. That God damn credit, dead it. You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget it.

Make sure you keep track of invoicing. Is your client's NET 60 days or are they just shitty? I'm going to go with shitty.

7. Keep your family and business completely separated. Money and blood don't mix like two dicks and no bitch, find yourself in serious shit.

Hmmm, I question this one, since a juicy contra deal with my brother has just cropped up. Any suggestions loyal followers?

8. Never keep no weight on you. Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too.

Since in advertising, your 'merchandise' isn't tangible, this one isn't too much of a worry. Maybe just invest in a sweet paper shredder, firewall, and server protection.

9. If you aint gettin bags stay the fuck from police. If niggaz think you snitchin aint tryin listen. They be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin.

Um, uh, what? Does this one mean that other drug dealers will try to kill you if they suspect you're a snitch? Hmmmm my advice: don't gossip in the office - it's petty, pointless and shows just how much integrity you have. Just do your job and do it well.

10. A strong word called consignment, strictly for live men, not for freshmen. If you aint got the clientele say hell no cause they gon want they money rain, sleet, hail, snow.

Just because you work on Madison Avenue with the big chochkeys, you're no Don Draper. Don't buy a loft with wall-to-wall marble until your office looks twice as luxurious. Tomorrow you could find yourself laid off...dreaming up your own agency...

THATS IT!!!!

Perhaps it's time I applied some rules to my business (website coming soon!) just like the Facebook dudes. I hope Biggie has helped you on your merry way. So blast 'The 10 Crack Commandments' every morning for a little gangster direction. I already do.

Don't Neglect Your Woody

2009-08-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

I feel terrible for neglecting Woody. And my blog for that matter! Unngh! Book reports are time consuming! As for the Woody, I'm talking about Woody Allen, so get your mind out of the gutter! One of my forever favourite books, Without Feathers, has been enough Woody to get me through the last 24 years but all euphemisms aside, I'm now yearning for more. Reading that is. C'mon guys...

Many years ago, this little yellow collection of stories was acquired by non recollectable means. (yes, I realize that's not a word but this writer doesn't give a care. Blogs have no rules, ok?) It is quite possible I accidentally stole this book from a friend, so for that I apologize. Can I repay you with contra?

After a quick (2 month) re-read , I've fallen back into a little fantasy. If by chance someday we meet, I firmly believe Mr. Allen and I would instantly become really, REALLY good friends. We'd be @replying photos of lazy dog bike-carriages every five minutes. I base this fantasy largely on a quote from the essay entitled 'On Frugality':

"Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health. After all, one cannot go into a butcher shop and tell the butcher, 'Look at my great suntan, and besides I never catch colds,' and expect him to hand over any merchandise. (Unless, of course, the butcher is an idiot.)"

As writers, Woody and I both know that being self-employed is UNREAL although the health plan sucks. And by health plan, I mean eating Kraft Dinner at 5am hoping cancer doesn't strike before some agency is BRILLIANT enough to put me on salary. But of course the upside, we're both devilishly handsome on account of all the long walks, sunshine and lurrrve. I mean, look at the guy. If my husband looks that suave when we're all gray and wrinkled, I'll be one happy granny. (Aside, I'll likely be wearing the same style of clothes as I do now.)

In conclusion, rainbows don't pay the bills, but staying up all night drinking champagne, listening to Shadow Dancer with a certain someone, and watching Annie Hall is my definition of a life well-lived. Now I must get back to the neglecting other things. I leave you with a few favourite quotes & bite sized pieces of hilarious, food, folklore that's sprinkled with dry conversation topics.

Using verbs like, "stymied"
References to drowning a dwarf in gravy
Decorating an apartment on a ventriloquist's salary
Death
More death
Allusion to his agoraphobia & claustrophobia
According to Woody, in folklore, when Loki attempts to locate the Snoll's graveyard he instead "chances upon some Rhine maidens bathing and somehow winds up with trichinosis"
"The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion."
"The magician said that in order to learn that trick, one must journey to the four corners of the earth, but that one should go in the off-season, as three of the corners are usually booked."
"Actually, it was not so much the politics as the poetry of Marxist theory that got him. He was positive that collectivization could work if everyone would learn the lyrics to "Rag Mop."

Delivering the Bad News

2009-07-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

Seventeen days riding due east across the Arizona flats and I've finally locked her in my sights. My dusty boots clomp through the saloon doors carrying such a heavy burden.

The swinging door squeaks open as I go over those few words I've rehearsed so many times over. I've got to say it right.

Her powdery skin is velvet under the dim bar light. It's been four months since I last laid eyes on her, pouring that cold beer for me on the night we left. If I was half the man I should be, i would have just found the money and got her out of this place.

She looks up from behind the bar, and her pale blue eyes light up like stars of the big dipper. The night before it happened, Bill and I stayed up late talking about her and staring at that same constellation. A man would be a fool not to love her like he did. But like I always said, fools always get what's comin' to them.

She recognizes me from under this cake of dirt. A shriek of delight escapes her lips and she runs toward me, but instantly realizes that i'm alone.

"Where is he? Where's..."

I remove my ten-gallon hat and hysteria sweeps over her. She screams and drops to her knees, sobbing. I slowly crouch down beside her. She's in my arms now.
Mine.

Jumping on the Lisztomania Bandwagon

2009-07-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

I've left you all in a lurch for way too long. I'm sure you're thinking, "Leanne, I honestly don't give a shit", But I feel impelled to provide you with some rad barbecuing tracks as a placeholder for my next blog post. I'm no DJ, so there aren't any fancy transitions or, you know, mashups (?) and such....

Description:

It starts off with me in an apron holding a margarita whilst doing the cha-cha. After, it progresses to sunshine and optimistic

flavoured lollypops. Then of course electro. My one true love. At the end of the mix it'll feel like it's 5am and the dj is throwing down oldies to appease the drugged out mid-life crisis guy in the corner. I think I saw that guy last night. Cut your god damn rat tail, ok? That thing has to be at least 2 meters long.

Ok, I'm starving now. Can someone please take me to Don's Deli? Seriously.

download here

1. Oye Como Va - Santana

2. 2nd Movement - Part 2 (aka 'time' feat TES) - Krazy Baldhead

3. Kelly (Breakbot Remix) - Van She

4. Little Secrets - Passion Pit

5. Far Away (Hercules & Love Affair Remix) - Cut Copy

6. One in a Million (Tomboy Remix) - Data

7. Degradage - Thony Ritz ft. Cryda Luv'

8. Erreur Jean - Mr. Oizo ft. Error Smith

9. Invert (Parce que Edit) - Discodeine

10. Hey You - Pony Pony Run Run

11. Lisztomania (Classixx Version) - Phoenix

12. London Town - Man Like ME

13. What a Fool Believes - The Doobie Brothers

Douche Stereotypes

2009-06-22T18:47:00.000-07:00

If you're sensitive to that word... you know, the 'D' word, this cartoon is probably not for you. Maybe just close this window. Actually, you should just ctrl-alt-delete me from your life because I'm putting profanity on the web 3.0 spec doc motherfuckers.

If not me, I think these people are: my new hero(s),(one man show?)

'transnationalblueblood' is taking ad humor to a cleansing new height. Pardon the pun, but these cartoons feel like my ironic parting gift from the industry. Taking the piss out of ad-stereotypes is easy enough, but if satan had sex with a 23-year-old female AE and spawned a kiss-ass derelict, this would be him. I imagine he'd work at an agency called, "Faykon Dreggler-Situs Group" or something of the like.

And if you're not into bashing cheap consumers, full-of-themselves-copywriters, cave-dwelling flash dudes, or blog aficionados there's plenty of sarsaparilla to go around. (click the image below) In conclusion, as you may have already gathered, laughing at myself is one of my favourite pastimes.

To the lovely sunburned people:

2009-06-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

Join me on this glorious morn for a homage pay-out to the finer things of yesterday. Large sunglasses, Don's Deli, science discussions, bare legs, L/C bike rides, french boys and beautiful music . All of this topped off with a slanted-balcony party. Word on the street is yesterday was incredible, but I do believe today will give it a nudge. Blast this pre-tour Mike B mix and forget you have to work tomorrow morning.

Speaking of work, I'm going to shift into shameless self-promotion mode. Quite often I link to my other fave artists, so I don't feel bad pumping my own tire for a second. I'm proud to say that yes, contrary to popular gossip I'm working tomorrow - but this time, not in a monkey suit. I'm rocking up for a meeting with beat up sneakers and most importantly I will NOT feel like killing myself when I walk in the door. Finally my roommate can stop hiding the Tylenol PM, rope, large knives and more than one dose of NyQuil.

Why you ask? Because I'm freeeeeeeeeee3e3e3e3e3! **Does cartwheel** Freelance that is. Whoever coined that term knew exactly wtf they were talking about. So long story short, Monday will be spent sitting at the Kings Head Pub, writing copy for their new website. I'm an annoying journalist at heart, so if you're getting sauced @ KHP tomz afternoon, I want your drunken VOX POPS.

Long story short, if you know of someone who'd like a slot in my suprisingly busy freelance writing schedule, please fb message or email (leannehavelock@gmail.com).

Now get your ass outside.

"The Dip", as it pertains to David Bowie.

2009-06-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about his graceful yet skeletal dance moves: 'The Dip' happens to be a thing. Bowie is also a thing, a kind of Minotaur-type thing, but we'll get to that later. The Dip is a book. (A little book that teaches you when to quit and when to stick.) It is also a new-fangaled noun coined by Mr. Seth Godin, the marketing guru of now. What is "The Dip" you ask? He says,

"It's the fifth job interview where they never even call you back.

It's the garage band playing to an empty club in the middle of nowhere.

It's the middle of the marathon, when the excitement of the starting gun is a dim memory, and the joy of the finish line is a distant dream.

It's any rough patch you have to get through before achieving your big goal... if in fact you're chasing the right goal."

So basically, it's a tough situation, but remember the most important part - it has a bright and shiny looking pay-off. Whether that pay-off is in sight or not, 'The Dip' happens when people start to question, doubt, and consider taking up that four-letter-word we've been taught to hate:

QUIT.

Let us now delve into a nerdy metaphor: It's 1986. Jim Henson has just directed the stoner [yes stoner]/ childhood cinema classic, The Labyrinth starring the tight-panted one himself, David Bowie. A tale of fantasy a la Alice in Wonderland with a twisted pedophiliac twist.

ps. twist

**cue the song "Dance Magic Dance"

Our heroine Sarah [Jennifer Connolly] is navigating a shape-shifty labyrinth to the castle where she must save her baby step-brother from the creepy goblin King [Bowie]. After a series of mini-successes, she falls into an 'Oubliette' - a place with no doors or exits. One the labyrinth dwellers, Hoggle, is inside this cavern of what seems to be doom. He tries to deter her from reaching the castle, but she, the astute adventurer, knows that this is just 'The Dip' and says, "No! I'm not giving up now. I've come too far."

Sarah then climbs her way out of 'The Dip'. She rips the heads off some nonsensical muppets, tip toes around the bog of eternal stench whilst keeping her rad fairy gear tidy & clean. She even fights of a pretty harsh "poisoning" where creepiness is taken to a new level. [pictured above] In the end, she saves her step-brother.

Godin teaches us, if we have the perceptiveness to distinguish 'The Dip' it makes it easier to push through it. Sarah knew this was a worthy journey, and saving her brother was a success she couldn't give up on.

Even if your antagonist is David Bowie, there is always a way through 'The Dip'. This applies to careers, relationships, body-building, pretty much anything that is hard in life.

But there must be situations when quitting is necessary? This must be true otherwise we'd all be dating our grade 9 boyfriend working at Burger King. Godin laments on those 'not-worth-it' situations he calls "Cul-de-sacs". These are the soul-draining situations that are not worth wasting your breath on.

Here are some 18+ words your mother would have never told you:

"You're astonishing. How dare you waste it. How dare you squander that resource by spreading it too thin. How dare you settle for mediocre just because you're busy coping with too many things on your agenda, racing against the clock to get it all done. The lesson is simple: If you've got as much as you've got, use it. Use it to become the best in the world, to change the game, to set the agenda for everyone else. You can only do that by marshaling all of your resources to get through the biggest possible Dip. In order to get through that Dip, you'll need to quit everything else. If it's not going to put a dent in the world, quit. Right now. Quit and use that void to find the energy to assault the Dip that matters."

- Seth Godin

By the Hammer of Thor!

2009-05-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

For days when if you published your true thoughts, your friends would certainly disown you. (Or at least you'd lose that 1 follower of your blog. hi Jon!) For days of working long hard hours, trying to keep your goals in mind. For when the only music you can bear to listen to is soul-stripped techno. For one bedroom apartments. For sub-woofers. For redbull. For spontaneous pyjama dance parties. For a purse full of ideas. For budding trees. For intangible thoughts whilst drinking in public. For all of these things, I remove my chapeau and say, "i love life".

I swear by:

Having a song of the day, everyday.

One-speed bee-cee-clettes

That flask Erinn gave me

French kisses

Vintage Glory

Banana & instant coffee smoothies

Long walks to clear my mind

Plane tickets

My Cousins

Countless consecutive episodes of comedy tv

Tactile relationships

Loving everyone I know

BLAME

2009-05-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

The terrible blogger

An excuse list by moi.

pic - FAFI

Most will not care that I have not posted in over a week. Most are also too busy watching hockey to give a crap about anything these days. Here's why I suck at blogging:

- It's warm & the spring air smells of bonfires and steak

- I work one-hundred-thousand hours a week

- you probably have no time to read my blog

- bicycle riding takes precedence over blogging

- too much time spent listening to strange music

- aside - dare i say that i care not what you think?

- any spare time was spent chasing bunnies and drinking gin @ Bar Italia

- as well, daily stoop sitting with my many beautiful neighbours

- and of course, caving in and watching the first hockey game that i actually enjoyed.

Did I just say hockey and enjoy in the same sentence? Am I becoming 'one of them'?

Considering a reBRAND

2009-04-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

Anger.

If I was still 14 I would have forgiven him.

Look at him and his sunken features. All shadowy, staring me down saying, "Hey. You there. My album came out 2 months before your blog. Yeah that's right."

Only now do I realize how much I truly detest the name itself.

A hasty brand is a wastey brand I always said.

Are Your Eyes Crossed Yet?

2009-04-27T20:22:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder how many zillions of hours you've wasted glued to the screen? I'm not talking about that tv piece of garbage. I'm talking computer & nintendo. The gods of entertainment.

For me, it all began 12 years ago in the middle of nowherezeville Manitoba. At 40 degrees below with no driver's license, the internet was the closest thing I had to a neighbourhood.

mIRC

Remember this one? 'Twas created in 1995,

and supposedly d/l'd over 20 million times. At least 2x by yours truly. Last year, when I moved home from Australia, I was SUPER bored, and decided to check and see if this magical app still existed. It did! Apparently all of my NIN groups had dissolved (surprised?) and all of the public rooms were filled with a/s/l motherfuckers trolling for cyber-tail. Yuck. Delete.

What about ICQ? If you don't know what i'm talking about, you're just not nerdy enough. MSN's predecessor,with that little "uhoh!" soundbyte. Wikipedia tells me there are over 50 million users registered. Does this include my 12 year old self?

Maniac mansion

By far the best way to get carpal-thumb syndrome from a rectangular controller. This epic 1987 "choose your own adventure" nintendo game included aliens, kidnapping, a dungeon and a talking house plant. Right up my alley. I not one moment ago learned that there was a 3 season YTV sitcom based on my beloved game. I'm glad we had farmer-vision because I would assume the show was terrible.

Now I could get into the 7 CD game "Phantasmagoria" but my attention span is shot. I'm sure yours is too. Log off now and get some fresh air for crying out loud!

Bunnies Rule My Heart

2009-04-22T18:50:00.000-07:00

You'd have to agree, there's nothing like a long, casual walk to appreciate the beautiful things in life. I'm kicking myself now since I had no camera to take photos today. Picture this, a scraggly old man sitting on a Portage Ave. flower pot with his pet baby bunny on a home-made leash.

Typically I would cruise past at lighning speed - on the phone or blasting my favourite song. I'm glad I wasn't distracted for once! That split-second moment was such an odd piece of joy: I said, "CUTE!" and the scraggly man smiled... Well, perhaps I have an extreme soft-spot for baby bunnies. I think if Hitler walked in toting a baby bunny, I'd still smile and try to pet his fur. The bunny's fur. Not Hitler's. On the converse, perhaps I'm an ogre and have a painful disregard for scraggly street people. I guess they're resorting to heart throbbingly cute animals to soften up the passers-by. Thus is life in downtown Winnipeg.

[pic - Andrew Pommier]

I've been watching too much MadMen...

2009-04-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

Hello there gorgeous ladies. Are you reading this at the speed of light? Only have a moment to spare? If so, put down your gin and read the one line version of this post:

Create your own flavour of success.

To the guys: sorry, it's not your turn. No attention for

you today. (for once) ... (ps. i love you) Anyhow, you're probably super busy tallying sports scores and pretending you know how to do your hair, being adorable and hiding from me. (ps you scare me)

[pic - patrick leger]

FOCUS DAMNIT!!!!

Ok, enough.

Lately, in the women around me, i've noticed the drive for success outweighs the urge to 'settle down'. For me, this urge is about as strong as the one to stick my hand in the garb-orator. Oh gosh, how nice would that feel? Yes please, can i have both hands down there? But wait, then I'll need a 3rd hand to flip the switch on! What ever shall I do?

Don't get me wrong, those ladies who've settled down are likely 1000x busier than myself. Yes, we're talking especially about the new moms. You heard me. I'm saying it: BABIES *****shuddering*****

To those women, I commend you, because wow, i'm barely responsible enough to take care of myself! I pause to reflect, and regret i have little in common with you. I call out to you and say, "Please take notes and in the future teach me how to raise a kid!" Because God knows how much children irritate me. If there's anything I can offer in exchange, please let me know.

So here I am, surrounded by driven, passionate and intelligent career women. You know who you are. And please, for the love, don't fucking compare us to those NYC sexinthecity harlots. They should have some integrity and self respect for once! I can't describe how much I hate that show... Think of us more like that group of extremely industrious women who keep Frankie Magazine afloat.

The following is a compilation of 20-something career female attributes which make me laugh on a daily basis: (comment if you can think of others!)

you sip booze to swallow your vitamins
you get home from work at 9 or 10pm
you cook dinner and eat that exact same meal 5x in a row
you get angry about the carbs in those tortilla wraps
you supplement your over-work with a nasty shopping/drinking/smoking habit
your shopping/drinking/smoking habit eats up your paycheque
you work harder to get a bigger paycheque
(are we seeing a pattern yet?)
you're proud that you managed to do your laundry this month

In the end we're well-dressed, well-paid, successful career women.

Hang on a sec, how awesome is that!!!???

A What Patch?

2009-04-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

You know those days when every single thing in your life is screaming "pay attention to me!"? Ohh Yes you do. Don't you just wish you lived on a farm somewhere in the mid-west, milking cows and watching the sun set over your strawberry patch? Is the phrase strawberry patch dirty to anyone else out there?

This is Wednesday

Since I have basically no more charm or wisdom left within my corpse of a body, yet have decided that 'blog discipline' is my well overdue new year's resolution, here's a bunch of stuff for you to mull over:

Bewar e the Dead Cat Bounce
If my FB page threw up on me it would look like this
Natalie Dee is amazing
Shameless promotion of local rock bands - Cross Town Rivals
And local DJs - Jamall Knight
Bad news for rail junkies
That is all

Your All Canadian Money Saver

2009-04-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

Two words: Giant Tiger. Now please, don't judge. Brush your misconceptions aside. Forget all of your prissy hang ups and realize - Ketchup is just ketchup. The name brand is the same at good ole Gee Tee's but it's fucking 50% CHEAPER! GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSES! Drive down to the ghetto (which happens to be 2 streets over from every suburb in this city) and save some money.

FIERCE!

Also, you should support Canadian stores when trying to save a buck, instead of dumping money into the Globalized Wal-Shart...

If i'm wrong, will somebody at least prove to me why i shouldn't shop there for most of these stupid life essentials? Of course, i wouldn't trust them in the underwear department. I certainly need to hold my bits & pieces together with $100 of fabric & wire. Calvin Klein likely isn't the nicest fellow on earth but i'm not that much of a hippie. Wait, i'm not a hippie at all. I'm a corporate slum trying to save money because our communist city can't pay me enough to support my Calvin Klein addiction.

Out from Under

2009-04-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

I've been a very baaaaad writer. The past 6 months have been far too sinister to publish. i risk the danger of spreading negativity. Right now i'm far enough past it all to just say, 'i don't give a shit what people think'. I say this often, but honestly don't practice it as much as i should. So here I am. Might as well post on a poorly named blog that nobody will read.

Just so you understand, here's a small censored glimpse into what i'm talking about. After this, I promise, no more garbage blogging. Just rubbish blogging and trashing and other dirt related paraphrasing....

Excerpt from the Nov. 2008 word doc archive: Sometimes I think I’m high. I’ll be cutting a grapefruit in half; the most round and firm perfectly ripe grapefruit. As I slice the knife to expose the sensual innards my pupils enlarge 15 sizes. Tiny smell particles dance up to my nose.

That will take me back to 15 minutes earlier when I was walking on a crisp fall morning. Noticing a long city block of naked elms tangled together at the canopy level, methodic and soldier line straight at the trunk. They look like they’re protecting my neighbourhood. The summer leaves were merely a fancy costume they wear so they don’t scare the children who hop-scotch below.

I really hope I am high because this can’t be fucking reality. I’m falling down the rabbit hole, hoping there’s at least going to be a tea party involved. One more drink and ill be fine.

///ffwd a few weeks

Neurosis of the body & mind simultaneously occurring with the feeling of being out-of-control. Both of which feed each other making things all the worse. There is no way someone suffering like this could ever get used to being happy. Living in a house in Beausejour with a pantry full of baby food, you’d certainly find this house-wife face down in the river. Find my will under the pillow, all my files are to be left with a Mr. N.W. Instructions: please piece together years worth of disjointed ramblings to author my memoirs. Donate the profits to our magazine.

-------

aaaaaand wow. what a pessimist! who wrote that hogwash? Reality is the fact that i am now drinking a beer and enjoying the pure simplicity of a Monday tiredness coming over me. Now that I've explained my hiatus / lack of anything interesting at all, please forgive me. Know that there are thousands of words like the ones above, but there is no need to dwell. Lets move on to some music, engaging content, storytelling and general merriment. Spring is here.

Scantily Clad Seasonal

2008-09-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

I'll be playing catch up with the world of music blogging for a day or two, so be patient damnit! I've been so comfortable under my rock (next door to 'the hard place') I'll cut the chit-chat and get straight down to dirty dirty.

Ups & Downs

click to d/l zip file

^_^

Aug 7th 2008

1. Ratatat - Mirando

2. Gui Boratto - Mr. Decay

3. Uffie - Pop The Glock (SebastiAn Remix)

4. The Faint - The Geeks Were Right (Boys Noize vs D.I.M. Remix)

5. The Rakes - We Danced Together (SebastiAn Remix)

6. Sebastien Tellier - La Ritournelle (Metronomy Mix)

7. Dave Gahan - Kingdom (Booka Shade Club Mix)

8. Trentemøller - Give a Little (Trentemøller Mix)