Don't Neglect Your Woody

I feel terrible for neglecting Woody. And my blog for that matter! Unngh! Book reports are time consuming! As for the Woody, I'm talking about Woody Allen, so get your mind out of the gutter! One of my forever favourite books, Without Feathers, has been enough Woody to get me through the last 24 years but all euphemisms aside, I'm now yearning for more. Reading that is. C'mon guys...

Many years ago, this little yellow collection of stories was acquired by non recollectable means. (yes, I realize that's not a word but this writer doesn't give a care. Blogs have no rules, ok?) It is quite possible I accidentally stole this book from a friend, so for that I apologize. Can I repay you with contra?

After a quick (2 month) re-read , I've fallen back into a little fantasy. If by chance someday we meet, I firmly believe Mr. Allen and I would instantly become really, REALLY good friends. We'd be @replying photos of lazy dog bike-carriages every five minutes. I base this fantasy largely on a quote from the essay entitled 'On Frugality':

"Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health. After all, one cannot go into a butcher shop and tell the butcher, 'Look at my great suntan, and besides I never catch colds,' and expect him to hand over any merchandise. (Unless, of course, the butcher is an idiot.)"

As writers, Woody and I both know that being self-employed is UNREAL although the health plan sucks. And by health plan, I mean eating Kraft Dinner at 5am hoping cancer doesn't strike before some agency is BRILLIANT enough to put me on salary. But of course the upside, we're both devilishly handsome on account of all the long walks, sunshine and lurrrve. I mean, look at the guy. If my husband looks that suave when we're all gray and wrinkled, I'll be one happy granny. (Aside, I'll likely be wearing the same style of clothes as I do now.)

In conclusion, rainbows don't pay the bills, but staying up all night drinking champagne, listening to Shadow Dancer with a certain someone, and watching Annie Hall is my definition of a life well-lived. Now I must get back to the neglecting other things. I leave you with a few favourite quotes & bite sized pieces of hilarious, food, folklore that's sprinkled with dry conversation topics.

• Using verbs like, "stymied"
• References to drowning a dwarf in gravy
• Decorating an apartment on a ventriloquist's salary
• Death
• More death
• Allusion to his agoraphobia & claustrophobia
• According to Woody, in folklore, when Loki attempts to locate the Snoll's graveyard he instead "chances upon some Rhine maidens bathing and somehow winds up with trichinosis"
• "The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion."
• "The magician said that in order to learn that trick, one must journey to the four corners of the earth, but that one should go in the off-season, as three of the corners are usually booked."
• "Actually, it was not so much the politics as the poetry of Marxist theory that got him. He was positive that collectivization could work if everyone would learn the lyrics to "Rag Mop."